the hangry gender

hanger (pronounced like "anger" with an "h"; not to be confused with the tool that holds your shirts in the closet - that has a softer "g" sound) is the anger you experience because you are hungry - it usually sets in around 11:30am for lunch...3pm-ish (cookie or nap time) - and again around 6pm-ish before dinner

the source of hanger = low seratonin levels (none of this is factual - it could be - but who knows - check wikipedia - they're reputable)

seratonin (i'm recalling from 6th grade science:  the endocrine system) is a hormone released from the pituitary gland (in the center of your brain).  it's the pleasure hormone...released when you laugh, eat, sleep, drink coffee or beer, so on and so forth...

so why are you grumpy in the morning?  i don't know! don't ask me - i need a nap.

it could be instant withdrawal because your "high" (from sleeping) is over.  your seratonin-rich blood is now being depleted...not to mention the unpleasant jolt from bliss your alarm provides...

to overcome this early morning withdrawal, we look to caffeine, eggs, oj, cheerios, and/or a warm shower...

the lack of warm water in the morning is extremely irritating because you're experiencing withdrawal (consider your neighbor practicing the drums when you're hungover - same idea; bad mood + irritating stimulus = aggravation)

so - what does hanger (remember - hard "g") have to do with gender?

metabolism. 

men, in general, have a higher tendency to eat whatever they want into their mid- to late-twenties and don't have too many repercussions (aside from the weight gain when our metabolism slows down around the age of 30 and generally shorter life expectancy)

women, on the other hand, watch what they eat from a younger age - it's partially due to societal standards that can't be reached (tiny brazilian and/or italian models)  ( i for one won't stand for this - to boycott the fashion industry - i will continue to wear jeans and t-shirts!)

so - women (this is all hypothetical) - on average - may have a decreased flux of seratonin into their bloodstream than men.  we - and i'm speaking for all of us - can't even begin to imagine what that's like (why?  because we like cookies, we will eat cookies - plain and simple). 

further - it might be plausible that the source of "cranky pants" (a.k.a. hanger) is not so much our fault, but is really a trickle down effect from the fashion industry.  that's not to say that we don't wear "cranky pants" on occasion, rather - we change out of our cranky pants with such things as beer, ribs, pork in general, chocolate chip cookies, chipotle, etc.

so - what we (men) need to do is appreciate womens perspective (that we will never understand)

what women need to do is not blame us for the standards set by the fashion industry

sidenote:  we will not stop looking at the models:  they are there, we will look - we're simple people
(example:  if there is a train wreck - you will look; it's not a good thing, it's just how it is)

advice for overcoming biochemical processes (e.g., low seratonin levels):  acknowledge your crankiness at an elevated volume, specify that it is due to low seratonin levels and demand feeding time in the immediate future before things get worse (this will hopefully make you laugh and appease your system until food is on the table)

this little blurb could get me in a lot of trouble...if it made you angry in any way...read it again after you eat - you'll be thinking more clearly - and might even find it funny.